We get it: you want to live to at least 80, but the Memphis Grizzlies are threatening your lifespan. You have the blood pressure results and grey hairs to prove it. Time to find you center, your positive chakra, brah.
Below are 7 steps for getting through the Grizzlies playoffs.
1. Remember That Ja Morant Can Just Threaten the Lakers With a Gun
Too soon? Sorry. We thought levity would be a solid approach.
2. When Ja Morant Goes Up for a Crazy Dunk or Lay-Up and Falls Haphazardly, Remember To Breathe. He’ll Be Fine
He’s the Byron Buxton of the NBA, except he doesn’t get injured all the time. Which is to say, he’s not the Zion Williamson of the NBA, as he’s not fat.
3. Drink Bourbon. More and More Bourbon
This one goes without saying.
4. Remember It’s Dillon Brooks’s Job to Foul Out and Stress You Out. It’s His Job To Get Tossed. If He’s Ruffling Your Feathers, Then He’s Also Ruffling Their Feathers. So Be Cool, My Babies
Brooks is gonna Brooks. Lean into it.
5. LeBron Needs an AARP Card and an Iron Lung
We said it.
6. Nobody Puts Ja in a Corner
Don’t worry about the suits and counter-suits. You know Ja is going to be locked in.
7. We Are the Number Two Seed
And we’re the number two seed handily. Ignore the ground noise and static that is LA. Lebron can go play basketball with cartoons on CGI green screens.
